After a divorce you may be thinking, “Can make it on my own?”
The prospect of an upcoming divorce can be scary; overwhelming; disturbing and all other sorts of emotions. Your life is changing and it’s hard to know what your new life will look like. Will you be ok? Will your children be ok? Will you be able to afford your current lifestyle? Will I make it on my own?
The short answer is YES, YOU WILL BE OKAY.
I cannot stress this enough. Things will change, but you will be okay. Divorce is hard. It’s never fun. Divorce is much like experiencing a death of a close family member or friend. It involves all the stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Sadness/Depression, Acceptance and all of those emotions back and forth and in no particular order. Sometimes divorce feels more difficult than a death because your spouse didn’t die and yet your relationship and life together is ending.
The transition from living life as a couple to becoming independent, should be taken one day at a time. Don’t expect to jump to independence, acceptance and happiness on day one. It’s a process that takes time. Taking it one day at a time is the healthiest way and most attainable way to get there. Don’t get frustrated. Don’t give up. Each day may be a challenge as you wade through the phases of grief, but as you take it one day at a time, each day will get better.
Trust your lawyer to help you through the legal process.
It’s your lawyer’s job to be objective, give you sound advice, and to handle the legal end of the divorce. They will take care of protecting your legal rights. Let that worry go and trust your lawyer will take care of it. Your lawyer can also answer questions about how the divorce will affect your finances. There are also Certified Divorce Financial Planners who can meet with you, analyze your financial situation and give you advice as to what you’ll need to meet your expenses post-divorce.
Trust your friends and family to be there for support. If they’re not supportive, stick to the ones who are supportive during this time. You don’t need extra stressors if you can avoid it. If your soon to be ex-spouse is causing additional stressors through the way they communicate with you, either stop communication and have it only go through the lawyers, or limit communication to be through professional software or app such as www.ourfamilywizard.com.
Initiate individual or group counseling to help you process your feelings about the divorce and upcoming changes. These professionals or divorce groups can be very effective at helping you move forward during and after the divorce. Lean on them on your darkest days. They will help you through. Continue to communicate with your friends. They want you to be ok too. Counseling is also very beneficial for children of divorce. As you feel more emotionally healthy, your children will benefit from that. It’s like the flight attendant on an airplane that we look too for assurance during a concerning incident on a flight.
If your children see you are ok, they will be ok.
As you take it one day at a time, consider healthy choices that make you feel good. Whatever that is for you, exercise, yoga, running, spending time with friends, reading, knitting, mediating, exercising mindfulness, following a podcast about positive thinking etc., start incorporating it into your regular schedule. Take it one day at a time. You will be ok. Don’t rush it. Don’t be surprised if it takes longer than you expect, but you will find your independent self and may even blossom and become better post-divorce than you ever expected.